


Let’s Play Truth or Dare/Let’s Not Get Arrested While Partying/Let’s Make Drunken Fools of Ourselves

by Signel_chan



Series: Let's Live Life [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Truth or Dare, friends being drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-15
Updated: 2013-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-15 01:19:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/843649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signel_chan/pseuds/Signel_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eight "friends" get together for (mostly) drunk truth-or-dare. Inappropriate and/or crudely humorous things transpire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let’s Play Truth or Dare/Let’s Not Get Arrested While Partying/Let’s Make Drunken Fools of Ourselves

**Author's Note:**

> Posted this on Tumblr a long time ago--it takes place between chapters 3 and 4 of Let's Make, but it works as a standalone too if you just want to read this. (:

“You’re probably all wondering why I’ve gathered you here today, in the place we know as the Egbert apartment,” Dave said, his back to the front door as he looked from guest to guest that were sitting on the couch and floor. “Well, I’m about to tell you. We’re playing a game of truth or dare. And drinking, but that should be pretty self-explanatory. This  _is_  one of my parties.”

A round of questions rose up from the group, anything from “How are we supposed to get home if we’re drunk?” to “I have work tomorrow, so can I leave early?” to “If I drink, I’m going to be endangering a life that’s not mine, so can I just not?” He answered them all in one fell swoop: “No one’s going home tonight, there’s three apartments that have places for everyone to sleep. Sorry, but you’ve got to stay until at least midnight. And, Vriska, I’m not a dumbass, so I made sure to bring juice and stuff for you, so you can drink but not really.”

“Oh wow, juice and stuff. That’s my favorite. You tell someone who hasn’t been able to get drunk in years that they’re at a drinking party, and that you’ve got juice and stuff for them, and you expect them to be happy, don’t you? Well I’m not happy.” Being as close to her normal dramatic self as she could muster, Vriska crossed her arms so that they rested on her stomach and rolled her eyes. “Guess I’ll have to take what I’m given, though.”

“Okay, glad you’ve gotten your arguments out of your system. Everyone who can, take a shot. If you can’t, continue sitting on the couch giving me dirty looks. We’re going to get up close and personal with each other.” Dave cracked a smile as drinks started getting passed around. “First person to give up has to sleep with me tonight.”

The thing was, everyone knew he was being serious about that, making the stakes of this round of truth or dare extremely high for some, and less high for others. For instance, if it was one of the guys who happened to win, they would just have to have a bro-sleepover of sorts, which wasn’t that bad of a punishment. If it was, for the most part, one of the ladies, they’d be having to sleep with someone they had no romantic interest in (somewhat debatable in Rose’s case, because she had been invited by Dave). And then there was Vriska, who was already a bitch when it came to sleeping in her proper bed so potentially getting her into Dave’s could quite possibly be more trouble than it was worth.

Once everyone who could be was slightly drunk, the fun began. Dave, being the great host that he was, started with the first question. “Okay, who’s got their phone on them?” When no one wanted to admit to having one, he looked to the lady of the apartment. “Jade. You go first. Truth or dare?”

“Since I’m scared your truth question will have something to do with phone contacts, dare, please.”

“Bad choice. Grab your phone and call someone, and tell them you know where the Chamber of Secrets is.” Dave pulled his sunglasses down to look at Jade, who stared blankly back at him. “What are you waiting for, do it!”

She sighed and extracted her cell phone from her pocket. “Okay, but only because we just started this game and I don’t want it to be over already.” Dialing one of the numbers of her contacts, everyone was honestly surprised when no one in the room had their phone start going off. In fact, it seemed that, whoever it was that she called, they didn’t even answer, causing her to leave one of the strangest voicemails anyone had heard: “Uh, hey, I know you’re not used to me calling you like this, but I got some top-secret information for you. I know where the Chamber of Secrets is, but I can’t tell you now. Secrets, you know? Call me back if you’re interested.”

“Who did you end up calling?” Dave asked her after they all laughed for a bit. She shrugged, said it was a number she found in a bathroom stall one time and saved simply for situations like this, and everyone laughed once more.

After the laughter subsided a second time, it was Jade’s time to pick her target. “Hm, how about you, John? Truth or dare?”

“Hit me with the craziest dare you can thing of, darling. I’m sure it’ll be a piece of cake.” He wasn’t expecting to be told to make out with a poster, that was for certain. “Oh. It just so happens that I have a poster I can use for this, so be right back.” He left the room for his bedroom, and when he came back, he had a Con Air movie poster in tow. “I’ve been waiting for a time to desecrate the fuck out of this thing. Tongue, I’m sorry for the papercuts you’re about to endure, but it’s time to make out with mister Cameron Poe until his face rips in half.”

True to his word, John indeed made out with the poster until the character’s face was in two pieces, and would have probably kept going until the poster was completely shredded if it wasn’t for Jade telling him she’d seen enough. “Sorry, I got a bit carried away with that dare. Now what, it’s my turn to pick who goes next, right?”

“Sure is. Now make this interesting, and don’t pick one of your best bros.”

“Can do, Dave. I think I’m going to pick Rose for this one, so truth or dare?” The short-haired blond shrugged before saying that she was a bit wary of the dares he’d give her, so a truth would be suitable. “Okay, this is lame, but are you attracted to anyone in here?”  
“Let’s see…there’s two married couples, an engaged couple, and Dave. No, I’d say I’m pretty much not attracted to any of you. Sorry, Dave, but I don’t find guys who are nearing thirty who still think they’re turning twenty-one attractive.” She flashed him a shit-eating grin, he scowled back at her, and the game continued. “I pick Karkat next, since he seems like he’ll take my ideas a fun way. Truth or dare, scary guy?”

Karkat shook his dark hair out of his face in an attempt to make himself look less scary, but failed miserably at it. “Whatever. Hit me with a dare. Best one you can come up with.”

“Best one, huh?” Giving him the same grin she had given Dave moments before, she grabbed her purse and rummaged through it, pulling out a tube of lipstick and handing it over to him. “Put this on. For the rest of the night, you get to be feminine. Maybe it’ll make you look less like a murderer and more like a normal kind of guy.”

Without so much as looking in the mirror, Karkat made good on the dare and applied the bright pink makeup on his lips, earning himself many laughs from everyone. “You’re just jealous I’m a pretty man,” he said, handing the lipstick back to its owner, who tossed it into her purse once more. “Do I have the same ‘no bro’ stipulation that John had?” Dave nodded that yes, yes he did, meaning Karkat needed to pick someone who wasn’t him or John. “Fair enough. Terezi, babe, truth or dare?”

“Good question. I’m feeling kind of dare-y, to be honest, so let’s go with that.”

He sat in thought for roughly a minute, trying to come up with a dare that wouldn’t rely too heavily on seeing things, since Terezi’s sight wasn’t exactly the greatest. Finally, he looked at her with the straightest face he could muster with that lipstick on and said, “I want you to moan. Moan as hard and as loud as you can. Make people interested that aren’t me.”

“You jerk,” she hissed in return, before taking a deep breath and emitting the loudest moan she could muster. It wasn’t the most convincing, but the erotic feel to it got people squirming in their seats, even causing Dave to have to stand up and leave the room for a moment to collect himself. But no one was more affected by it than Karkat, who had to throw his hands over his crotch to cover any sight of a bulge that may have appeared. “There, good enough?” He told her it was, and she clapped her hands together in happiness. “Great! My turn! Vriska, which one do you pick?”

“Truth. So I don’t end up getting saddled with stupid physical activity.”

“Okay, you asked for it. What’s a habit that Tavros has that you just cannot stand? And don’t tell me anything that’s outdated. I’m looking for things you haven’t ever told me before.” That caused Vriska to have to actually come up with something, because her original, top-of-her-head answer was something that Terezi had probably known since before they had even graduated high school. “Well? Got something?”

“I’m waiting for Dave to come back,” she replied, looking towards the hallway that the man had walked down. When he reemerged from the darkness, she gave her answer. “This has got to be the worst answer ever, but I’d say the habit of him constantly ‘forgetting’ to, uh, protect himself is the one that bothers me most. Fuck his habit of hiding during storms, because he’s pushed that one on me. And fuck his habit of leaving his dirty clothes on my side of the bed, because I can easily do the same back to him. It’s the fact that he’s never once been man enough to either buy some god damn condoms or ask any of you guys for one that really bothers me. Because he doesn’t get them and then he fucks me anyway and we see where that gets us.” She finished her rant with a deep breath and a disapproving glare not at the man she was speaking of, but down at her pregnant stomach. “We didn’t even really want kids, but because he’s a pansy he’s knocked me up three times now.”

Terezi was about to ask why Vriska needed to wait for Dave to go off on that rant, but the blond man made it very clear as to why. He approached her, hand outstretched, and gave her the greatest of high-fives. “You, Vriska, are a beautiful woman, and I hope that speech teaches him the lesson my ‘put-it-away’ party tried to.”

“Thanks for making me feel like shit, you two.” Tavros, his face a brighter red than almost anyone had ever seen it, looked away from everyone and sniffled a bit. “Nice to know that my lover and one of my best friends really feel that way.”

“You knew I was going to go off on you about that if I got the chance. You do not know how hard life is until you’ve been pregnant twice in a year, and it’s your fault that I got to experience this. I didn’t even want it…” The room became eerily silent after that, until Vriska shook her head and perked back up. “So, I’m picking Dave because I can. What’s it gonna be, Strider?”

“Since I don’t want crazy woman hormones making me jump out the window, I’m saying truth. Now don’t make me talk about my sex life, because unlike you, I don’t have one.” He crossed his arms over his chest and waited for what he assumed would be a lame dare; he got exactly what he was expecting. She gave him one look and told him to share what his favorite feature of the opposite gender was. “Easy. Breasts. Big ones, small ones, doesn’t matter, as long as they’re touchable.”

The sound of a hand connecting with his arm in a forceful smack filled the room. “You’re disgusting, Dave!” Rose yelled, smacking him a few more times to express her displeasure. “No wonder no girls are attracted to you! You’re a gross pig who just wants their chest!”

“Okay, making a correction to my statement. I don’t like boobs that are small like Rose’s. There’s nothing fun about them. They don’t even jiggle.” That led to him being smacked even more, until she simply gave up, moving from her spot on the floor next to him to over in the corner. “Changed my mind. Rose’s chest is as good as anyone’s. Except Vriska’s. Holy hell if I could touch a rack like hers I would be in heaven.”

“I’m not going to sit next to you again, asshole. I considered it, until you made the comments about Vriska. She’s off-limits to your dirty hands.” It seemed that Rose was having none of Dave’s behavior, until she looked at him, and he had a smirk on his face that expressed that he was serious about nothing he had said. “Okay, fine, I’ll sit next to you again.”

He wiped the smirk off his lips as she scooted back to her original spot. “Thanks. Now it’s time for a game I like to call ‘let’s make life hard for Tavros.’ We all know the rules, right?” His question was serious, but the only answer he got was widened eyes and a rapid, but worried, headshake from the guy mentioned in the question. “I’m taking that as a yes. So, buddy, what’s it gonna be?”

“I know better than to take dares from you. Give me a truth.”

“Fair enough. What’s the absolute stupidest thing you’ve ever said while you and Vriska have gotten frisky? No lying, no dancing around the answer. Tell us it straight.” He gave Tavros a supportive thumbs-up. “We’re not going to judge you.”

Tavros leaned back against the back of the couch, a hand stroking his chin as he looked between Dave and Vriska and thought about how to answer the question. “This one’s bad, okay, but it fits. We were, uh, doing things, and I was like ‘I wonder if the guy at the daycare in Pokémon has seen this kind of stuff, but with Pokémon, not with humans’ and she got all quiet and it was weird and awkward.” He laughed a bit, but no one laughed with him. “What? I answered my truth. That’s what I was supposed to do, right?”

“I’d say that the stupidest thing you said to me during sex is that you didn’t care that you weren’t wearing a condom, because there was absolutely no way you were gonna knock me up.” Vriska playfully elbowed Tavros as she spoke, earning herself an eyeroll or two. “You know that’s stupid. And you’ve said it more than once. Three times, if I remember correctly.”

“You two seriously have some issues. Or maybe we need Tavros to read a health book. I’m not sure which yet.” Another thumbs-up and a smirk came from Dave. “Anyway, your turn to pick who goes. Who’s it gonna be?”

He pointed at Jade, who was actually scanning through a stack of books to see if there were any on a relevant topic. “Her. I pick her. I’ve got perfect ideas for her. Jade, what do you want to do?”

“Truth, please. I’m not doing a dare from you, since I know you and Dave are kinda the same.”

“Um, okay. Have you ever done a striptease for John? Weird question, but you’ve got to answer it.” It was very obvious that Tavros felt uncomfortable asking it, as if he had been hoping for her to ask for a dare, but she had no problems at all answering it.

Her eyes went from the stack of books to locking with his, and with the straightest face she could possibly manage, she said, “Yes. I certainly have. I know all the moves to get him to drop his pants and bang me until sunrise. You can’t have a relationship like ours without giving a striptease every once in a while.”

“I think I just learned more about your relationship than I wanted to ever know…” He got up from his seat, walked over to the stack of drinks that Dave had brought, and grabbed a couple of cans. “I’ll have to drink myself into a stupor now, thanks.”

The game took a break then, with almost everyone trying to erase the images that Jade put in their heads through the use of alcohol. She, on the other hand, chose to drink simply because Dave had acquired some interesting brands and she wanted to try them, and John taste-tested alongside her. As for Vriska, who couldn’t get drunk to forget, she wandered off to Casey’s room, where she had set up a crib for Snow to sleep in during the party. She was greeted by the sight of two little girls sitting in silence, neither of them asleep due to the ruckus the adults were causing, and so she spent a good half-hour trying to get them both to just lay down and fall asleep. With Casey, it was easy, because she understood what Vriska was telling her; Snow didn’t, and just babbled at her mom the very simple words she knew, until the blond picked her up and carried her back into the living room with her.

“Hey, no babies,” Dave said, pointing at the dark-skinned child that Vriska was now holding. “She’s going to get corrupted by all of us if she’s out here. Put her back in the room.”

“Why don’t you shut the fuck up, Dave? She wasn’t sleeping, and I couldn’t get her to like I could Casey, so she’s just going to chill out with me until she drifts off. Easy as that.” She looked down at Snow, who was trying to grab onto her mom’s hair. “Besides, me and her could use some mommy-baby bonding time before she’s not the baby anymore.”

“Okay, whatever. She can stay, but don’t think that means we’re going to skip you for questioning.” It didn’t matter what Dave said there, because Vriska was too busy giving her daughter kisses to even pay attention. “The game restarts now, everyone. Jade, you pick who goes next.”

She clapped excitedly (if a bit drunkenly). “Rose! New girl! I don’t know enough about you to really embarrass you, so truth or dare?”

“Truth me. I’m not scared of getting a little bit creepy around you guys.” Rose sat on the floor, hands on her lap, waiting for Jade to hit her with a question. It took a moment for one to come, but then she was faced with having to answer what fictional baddie she found attractive. “Oh. Is that all? This one’s super easy. Season one Meg from Supernatural. She’s a badass and her hair is short and wow she’s attractive.”

“You like girls?” Karkat bluntly asked, before realizing that it wasn’t exactly the most eloquent of ways to ask that question.

But Rose still nodded in response. “Sure do. And guys. I guess you can say that gender doesn’t mean that much to me, but I like short-haired blondes and if they’re a girl, that’s great, and if they’re a guy, that’s also great. Now, since I dared you last time, Karkat, I’m going to pick Terezi. What’s it gonna be, sweetie?”

“Truths are for wimps. Give me the riskiest dare you can come up with.” Terezi, with her mostly blind eyes and her big smile, was prepared for anything.

It just so happened that Rose was equally prepared. “Go outside. We’ll send Karkat with you, don’t worry. But you’ve got to go out there where we can see you and yell that you’re a superstar. Five times should do it. And don’t think I won’t be watching, because I’m going to be.”

“You drive a tough bargain Rose, but I’m going to do it. Come on Karkat, we’ve got to go outside for this dare.” Everyone who was paying attention knew that the fact that Karkat had to go too was in retaliation for his comments about Rose liking girls, and he wasn’t pleased at all, flipping the woman off before he left. She ignored his immaturity, instead going to the window and watching for them to go outside, opening the window to listen once they were there. She applauded Terezi once she heard the call five times, and they came back up five floors to rejoin the party soon after. “It’s fucking cold out there, Lalonde. Be happy I’m not a quitter.”

“Be happy I’m not about to strangle you both for making that window be open while I have Snow in here,” Vriska muttered, pulling the little girl in close to her chest. “Poor little thing’s freezing because of you.”

“Maybe you should have listened to Dave and kept her out of here, then? Don’t blame us for playing the game.” Rose gave a non-caring hairflip, which irked Vriska to the point that she was saying curses under her breath, before just getting up and taking the baby with her. “Serves her right.”

Terezi, who was sitting back down after her adventure outside, didn’t like the attitude that was taken up towards her friend. “Hey, be nice to her. She’s trying to be a good mom to her kid, and that means bringing her out here even though she shouldn’t. Be a little kinder, will you? You never know if you’ll one day be in that situation.”

“I should have added to my speech about my bisexuality that I prefer girls over guys, so kids probably aren’t going to happen. Thanks for the concern, though. Now ask your question and let’s get on with this game.”

“Okay, whatever. Dave, which do you pick?” He wasn’t expecting to be asked by Terezi, so it took him a moment to fully understand that it was indeed his turn, and once he knew, he said he’d like a dare because he lived life on the edge. “If I could, I’d tell you to jump out the window. But I’m not going to get you killed. Instead, I’m going to make us all laugh at you. The wall you’re leaning up against? It’s now your boyfriend. Tell it how much you love it.”

He quite literally jumped to his feet, almost knocking over his half-full beer that had been sitting next to him. “Well, hello there, my love,” he crooned, pressing his crotch area against the wall. “It’s about time that we get to have a little chat. I know you’ve always wanted to see me naked, and…oh? You want that now? I don’t know…you seem like you’re a bit tipsy. I don’t want to get in trouble for you wanting me while you’re out of your mind. Let’s take things slow.”

Everyone there erupted in applause, and Dave continued. “But you know what? Tomorrow, when you’re nursing your wicked hangover from this, I’ll make the sweetest love to you you’ll have ever gotten. And then when I’m done with that, I’ll get you all drunk again and we’ll do this the next day. Oh, wall baby, I love you.” With that, he pressed his face up against the wall and began making the sloppiest makeout noises he could manage, causing everyone to applaud more.

“What the fuck is happening in here?” Vriska said, waddling her way back into the room to the sight of Dave kissing the wall. “Did he lose his mind?”

“No, I dared him to have the wall be his boyfriend. I think he wins this round.” Terezi whistled, causing Dave to pull himself away from the wall, and take a bow. “Good job.”

“Thanks. Now who will be my next target? Eenie meenie miney Vriska.”

She was barely back to sitting down when she heard her name. “Fuck no. I refuse.”

“You know what? I’ll pander to your refusal, just this once.” He grabbed a can, took a nice long drink of the alcoholic substance within, and picked a new target. “John. Best bro. Which do you want, truth or dare?”

“I’m not stupid enough to pick one of your dares, Dave. Give me a truth.”

The blond man had to think for a second, since he was so ready to give one to Vriska that he didn’t have one specially made for John. “Oh! I know! What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done with Jade in bed?”

“Why are you asking me this? Can’t a married couple have some privacy in their lives?” After being told that no, in truth or dare, there was no such thing as privacy, John sighed. “You don’t want to hear this. You really don’t.”

“It can’t be that bad,” Karkat said, looking at his friend with a smile. “You two are so down-to-earth that you’ve probably never done anything weird. No cop scenarios. No handcuffs and whips. None of the fun stuff.” Him mentioning those things made Terezi blush and mumble some incomprehensible things, most of which were probably about Karkat sharing their bedroom secrets.

“Okay, fine, I’ll say it. One time, I ended up with a collar and animal ears and a tail, just so I could help Jade act out some freakish animal fantasy she had.” While Jade covered her face in embarrassment from John actually saying that, everyone else started to laugh and joke about how silly that was. “Whatever, my turn is now over. Tavros, you go.”

The darker man nodded. “Give me something to tell the truth about, then.”

“When we met, you and Vriska had just moved to this building from…somewhere. Why? Why here?”

“That’s kind of a two-part answer, honestly,” he said after looking at Vriska for any clues about how to give a response. She merely shrugged and gave no advice. “We were both done with where we lived, that’s for sure, and I wanted to go to school out here since it seemed nice and it was away from my older brother. Ugh. Fuck that guy.”

“Wait a second, you have a brother?” Terezi, having overcome her bout of blushing from before, raised her eyebrows in Tavros’ direction. “I went to school with you and I didn’t know that.”

He bit his lip for a second before replying. “I didn’t talk about him a lot. I still don’t. He’s the perfect child that my parents always wanted, and I just tried to be as good as him. As far as I know, my parents have no idea that I dropped out of fucking community college, or that me and Vriska are still together and have Snow and another kid on the way, and I won’t tell them because I know they’ll compare me to my asshole brother and I don’t want that!”

“Basically, he’s hiding things from his family for the same reason I’m hiding it from my mom. I don’t want the comparisons,” Vriska added, her voice softer than normal.

“But you don’t have siblings! I know for a fact that it’s just you!”

“Yeah, Terezi, but my mom’s always been big on comparing me to herself. She was mad that I wasn’t the most popular girl at school, mad that I’d rather play games than go on dates, mad that I ran off with someone who wasn’t white…” She shook her head before she went on. “I’m sure she’d be pissed to high heaven that I’m unmarried still, even though she wasn’t married when she had me. But whatever.”

Dave cleared his throat as Vriska finished speaking. “I like hearing about these family problems, but I need to take a piss break. All this drinking has really made me need to go.” He stood up and quite literally dashed to the bathroom, leaving everyone else just sitting in silence, waiting for his return to speak again. Once he came back, he looked at the group, wondering why they weren’t talking. “Is story time done? Are we moving on with the game?”

“Yeah, I’m going to make Rose go now, because I don’t know what she’ll pick and I want to maybe get to learn some more about her.” Tavros gave Rose a small smile, and she gave him one back in return. “What’s it going to be?”

“Since you want to learn about me, I’ll ask for a truth. That gives me a bit more time to tell you about myself some more.” He was very quick to ask her to talk more about her sexuality, which she was okay with doing. “Well, as I said before, I’m bisexual, and I’m more into girls than guys. I have dated people on both ends of the spectrum, so this isn’t me trying to be edgy or different. This is me being comfortable with who I am.”

“Do you have a girlfriend right now?” Karkat asked her, curiosity in his voice. “Like, is there a girl you could have brought along?”

Rose shook her head, focusing her eyes on the ground in front of her. “Right now, I don’t have a woman, but I’ll probably have another one here in the near future. My last girlfriend just recently broke up with me for some reason. Her loss, I guess.” She laughed. “I’m sorry that I’m not as interesting as you’d like me to be, Tavros, but that’s pretty much all I can think of to say about my sexuality. Now, if you don’t mind, it is now Dave’s turn.”

“Hit me with a dare, Rose. I’m ready for anything.” That anything turned out to be having to act like a gorilla for the next two minutes, which he did without so much as a complain, but the noise that he made had Vriska getting a bit angry throughout his performance. Like the last time he went, he turned to her when he was done. “Okay, since you complained and totally just ruined my groove there, you get to go next.”

And, just like the last time he asked her to go, she denied him. “Nope, not happening. Pick someone else, because I still refuse.”

“Refuse, huh? Guess you’ll be sleeping with me tonight. Get ready to be rocked by the irresistible Dave Strider, sweetie.” He waggled his eyebrows and she sighed, taking back her refusal. “Good. Now truth or dare?”

“Since I don’t want to have to answer anything stupid, dare. But make it doable.” She pursed her lips in anticipation for whatever Dave was going to throw at her, but even her preparations were in vain: he gave her the dare of kissing all the guys in the room who weren’t Tavros and telling them how they were better than her boyfriend. “Come the fuck on. I’m first forced to play this fucking game when I’m this pregnant, and now I have to kiss everyone that I don’t love? I hate you so much right now, Dave.” He just smirked and told her to get kissing.

Her first target, with a million apologies preceding it, was John. They only locked lips for a second, and when she was done brushing his taste away from her lips, she looked back at Tavros and calmly said, “His lips are softer. Barely, but softer.” She then moved on to Karkat, who looked like he was about to punch her when she kissed him. “And him, he doesn’t open his lips when he’s kissed. I like that.” Finally, she made it to Dave, who grabbed her and forced his mouth onto hers, seemingly making out with her just like he had the wall. When he was done he pulled her off, and she blinked for a second, opening her mouth to speak but having no words come out.

“Did you really just do that in front of me?” Tavros rudely asked, jumping from his spot to help Vriska back to hers. “That’s a low fucking blow, you asshole.”

“Hey, had to make it a bit interesting.” Dave made a kissyface towards Tavros, before laughing. “Now she’s got to tell me why my makeouts are infinitely better than yours. Prepare to feel worthless when she’s done.”

She was still speechless for a few minutes after she had retaken her seat, and when she gained the ability to speak once more, she was just muttering things under her breath that no one could understand. Finally, with a scowl on her face and her eyes shooting daggers in the Strider’s direction, she said, “The only thing, and I mean only thing, better about doing that with Dave than Tavros is that Dave doesn’t have weirdly chipped teeth. That’s it. His tongue’s all wild, and I doubt he could normally kiss a girl to save his life. And he tasted like wall. Ick.”

As a bright red embarrassment blush took over Dave’s normally stoic face, everyone else laughed at Vriska’s blunt diss of his kissing skills. It even earned her a short kiss from Tavros, which would have been longer if it wasn’t for Dave regaining his typical composure and pointing an accusing finger at the blond woman. “Fucking give me a dare right now. This game is officially on.”

“What if I don’t want to pick you?”

“I said fucking give me a dare.”

She rolled her eyes and thought for a second. “Fair enough. Go ask one of the little kiddos out on a date. But if you wake my baby up by being loud, I will snap your neck.” She gave him a toothy grin that irritated him more than he already was, but he got up, demanded for someone to follow him, and was gone into one of the back rooms with Rose to verify that he was doing the dare. The moment they were gone, Vriska let out a drawn-out sigh. “I hate this game. Can I stop playing it now? I’m not drunk enough to appreciate this.”

“Vriska, you’re not even drunk a little bit,” John replied, before realizing that she wasn’t talking about needing to change her state of sobriety, but rather the necessity to be anything but sober to play truth or dare with Dave and have fun. “We can’t let you quit, though. He’ll get mad.”

“He won’t remember a thing about tonight in the morning. He’s pretty drunk now, I’m sure.” Tavros protectively wrapped his arms around Vriska, adding, “We’ll just go downstairs and call it a night, and you can continue on without us. Fair enough?”

“No! Fuck no!” Without any of them realizing it, Dave had come back into the picture, and was very upset at the mere mention of someone leaving. “I just asked a fucking baby out on a date and got rejected by spit bubble! You two are not leaving until one of you lose! Now tell me what you want to do, Nitram, because you are going to pay for wanting to go.”

Tavros, with a wide-eyed expression planted on his face, shook his head in exasperation for a second before humoring Dave: “Give me the best dare you can come up with. I don’t want any stupid stuff. If you want me to play, make it hard.”

Before he spoke, Dave made sure to rip his glasses from his face and toss them across the room and against the wall, shattering them and revealing his eyes, which were a bit glazed over from his drinking, but otherwise quite wild-looking. “Since you and your bitch both were going to leave, I say you’ve got to change all your clothes with her. And I mean all of them.”

“I’m sorry, but there’s no way I’m going to be able to wear what he’s wearing!” Vriska pouted, while Tavros sighed and stood up, dragging her with. “Have you looked at us? He’s like a twig and I’m…huge! He’ll be swimming in my clothing and I doubt his shirt will even cover half of me! This dare is completely unfair!”

“That sounds like you’re saying ‘oh Dave, I want to sleep in your bed tonight’ and I’m not sure you really want that.” With a wink and another kissyface, Dave managed to convince Vriska that, no matter how bad the dare was going to turn out, it needed to be done. And so, they walked off to the bathroom to change, leaving everyone else to pull out phones and cameras to take pictures of what was about to happen.

What did end up happening didn’t disappoint. After hearing many screams and insults thrown around from inside that bathroom, no one was prepared to see Tavros come out literally drowning in what he was wearing. The pants he now had on were barely at his knees, simply because of how high he was holding them to get a good grip on them, and the shirt was like a tent on his thin frame. “Dave, I don’t think she’s coming out of there,” he said, after a round a pictures were taken. “She doesn’t feel like she’s decent enough to show everyone.”

“Well, if she hadn’t gone and gotten herself knocked up, there wouldn’t be this problem. Get her to come out here so we can laugh at her.”

Tavros sighed and went back to get Vriska, and when they both returned, everyone got a good laugh at what they were presented with. While Tavros was able to properly cover himself (although he was having a hard time keeping the pants up) with what he was forced to wear, Vriska was having a much different problem. Her attempt to get Tavros’ pants on had them halfway up her legs, and his shirt was bunched up right under her breasts, simply because if she tried to pull it down any further, she would have ripped it. “This is fucking ridiculous,” she muttered, using her arms to try and cover her exposed stomach. “I didn’t want to play this game. Why am I doing this?”

“You don’t want to sleep with me,” Dave mockingly replied, and she flipped him off, before quite literally waddling back to the bathroom to get back into her own clothing. Before Tavros followed her, he looked at Dave and told him to prepare himself for either a truth or dare when he returned. “I’m not really that scared of what you’re going to throw at me, so don’t take too long. I may get bored if you’re too slow.”

However long it took them to change back, it wasn’t long enough for Dave to get bored, and so when he asked for his typical dare, Tavros pulled inspiration from the situation he was just in. “I dare you to be a superhero. Underwear on the outside. For the rest of the night.”

Without so much as blinking, Dave whipped his pants and boxers off (much to the disgust of everyone in the room) and did as he was dare to. “Oh, wow, so fucking scary. It’s like playing this game with an idiot. Go again, asshole. Truth or dare?”

Everyone who wasn’t Dave, Tavros, or Vriska was watching intently as the darker-skinned man mulled over which choice to pick. “You know what, I’ll go with a truth. There’s not much that I’ve got to hide from the people in this room,” he said, waving his hand at everyone, but John and Jade in particular. “So what do you have for me?”

“Since I just treated the room to a glimpse of the mini Strider, I want you to tell everyone here just how long your meatloaf is.” The room fell into a stunned silence, with hushed whispers about what, exactly, Dave was referring to.

“Um, what do you mean by his ‘meatloaf’? That’s a type of food, not a body part,” Terezi finally said after everyone collectively gave up on deciphering the message—everyone except Tavros, that was, as he knew full well what it referred to and he was blushing about it. “So what’s the deal, Dave? What are you asking about?”

“You’re all idiots when you’re shitfaced. I want to know how long his schlong is. His winky. His sausage. His fucking dick. I mean, it’s got to be long if he’s getting the chance to put it in Vriska all the time, you know? So share it, Nitram.”

“You act like I’ve actually measured it…I don’t know how long it is, honestly. Now can we move on? This is just awkward.” Dave didn’t accept that answer, and so Tavros had to come up with a better excuse to avoid giving the truth out. “Well, uh, it’s probably at least half a foot. At least. Can we please move on now?” Still wasn’t good enough. “Fine. You want me to tell you? I’ll tell you. It’s like seven inches. There. I said it. Now leave me alone about it and just let me ask you something.”

The blond man grinned at getting an actual answer. “Thanks, man! Now I’ll let you have it easy and you can just give me a truth this time.”

“Fair enough. What would you do first if you suddenly became a girl?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course I’d stick a finger in and pleasure myself. Anyone who says they’d do otherwise is a dirty liar.” This earned Dave a punch from Rose, who was angered by something with his way of sexualizing women, and a glare from Karkat, who probably would have shared the same answer if it was a truth he was given. “Anyway, I’ll back off the guy for a while, and go after Vriska again. Truth or dare, sweet cheeks?”

She paled at the mere mention of her name. “Not again. You can pick someone else. I’m calling this round off.”

“Looks like you’ll be sleeping with me tonight then.”

“Fuck, okay. Dare me, but only because I’d rather not be asked something incredibly personal that you don’t need to know.”

With an evil glint in his eye that spelled trouble, Dave put on his straightest face before saying, “Dare, huh? Well, I know all of us in here have been drinking…” He looked around at everyone, with their various beer bottles and cans sitting around. “And I also know that you’re not going to willingly drink. Something about killing babies? I don’t know. So I’m going to do you a favor, Vriska, and I dare you to drink.”

The room got quiet enough to hear a pin drop, as Vriska was faced with a difficult choice that absolutely no one envied her for. On one hand, she would have to spend the night sleeping with Dave. On the other, she would be poisoning her body and potentially killing the child growing inside her. Neither choice was a good one, but she had to pick. “Hey, don’t think I’ll be mad at you if you sleep with him,” Tavros whispered in her ear, grabbing her hand and squeezing it tightly. “I don’t want you hurting the baby, so just give up.”

“Making her do that shouldn’t be allowed!” Jade screeched from where she was sitting, before dissolving into a bunch of drunken rambles that John had to calm her down from. But her one outburst earned support from everyone else in the room…except for Dave, who repeated his dare once more.

“I can’t do it, Dave.”

“That’s what I like to hear. Game’s over, everyone. Find somewhere to sleep and stay there. I’m taking my prize back to my place.” He got up and pulled her off of the couch and away from Tavros, before leading her away without another word, and definitely without letting them say goodbye or good night.

The talk between everyone for the rest of the time they were together was about how unfair Dave’s rules were, and how he needed to get some sort of payback for what he’d done. Them all finding out that he had been pushed out of his bed, breaking some of the instruments and such he kept next to it, all because he was a centimeter too close to Vriska as she slept was considered the perfect payback.

And the next time he organized a truth or dare party, they made sure that someone that  _wasn’t_  Dave was in charge of rules.


End file.
